Price of Beauty

  While Nay was in Korean we shopped up a storm at all my favorite cosmetics stores - Etude House, Missha (I have a loyalty card), Face Shop and Innisfree. All awesome places to get cool make up and other body products. Yet it makes me wonder... where is the line for buying beauty products?
Since I have been in Korea I know I both buy and wear more make up and other cosmetics. Is this because its so cheap, or is it something else?

  Not gonna lie, I have actually had a net gain of 2 kilos since arriving last year... So am I compensating my weight gain by wearing more make up? Possibly. There is pressure here to look good at all times, not so much because everyone else looks great (they don't) but I feel its more because of how we, as foreigners, react the the brutal honesty of Korean people. For example, I have been told multiple times by co-workers that my diet isn't working. I am also told that I look tired, that they don't like what I have done with my hair today, or that I have hairy arms. Geez, I can't help my arms!!!

  So, on a weekend, I will end up doing face masks to minimize blackheads and clear up my skin. I either wax or veet my arms, I make sure my hair roots don't get too dark, I wear my BB cream to school and always wear mascara. I keep my nails painted, and I am now addicted to the foot peels you get from Tony Moly, so I can have baby soft feet. I have also become OCD about suncream (not necessarily a bad thing) and no longer wear low cut tops. I am also about to get onto a serious lose weight kick - gonna get some gym time in and get back into walking and maybe start small hikes around the area.

WHO THE FUCK AM I DOING THIS FOR?

  In a way I am doing it for myself and my mental health. I know that I am being constantly watched, and I know I am being judged. No one knows me as a person, so they judge me in the only way possible - my appearance. If I am too fat they will think me lazy, so I must lose weight. If I have no make up on, then I will be perceived as tired. Bad hair? Dirty. If I take pride in my appearance I am thought to be a better person. I remember overhearing a discussion about me in the staff room between teachers from our school and 2 from another school - "Your foreign teacher is much prettier than ours" and me thinking woooo awesome! When I really should have thought omg that poor girl from whatever school they are from. How can her school tell other people this stuff, and why the hell should it matter???
  But it does.

  Something Nay thought was hilarious about the TV here was all the ads for products to make yourself more beautiful. I wish we had more of a chance to get the subway around Seoul so she could have seen all the deals for plastic surgery, all the before and after pics that line the walls. It makes for an interesting trip. And the advertising works! I buy the No. 1 selling BB cream in Asia, cos I saw it on TV. I copy nail designs that the starts are wearing. And I want my teeth whitened and to have dimples cosmetically put into my face to make me cuter.

BONNIE CAN YOU HEAR YOURSELF?

  Once I was finishing up a class with the grade 6 kids, and at the end one of the girls came up and asked me if I was wearing (contact) lenses. I said no, this is my real eye colour. She asked if she could take a picture, because she wants to get lenses the same colour as my eyes. I was like, sure why not? The one big thing they don't like are my freckles... They think its a shame my white skin has ugly brown spots. "Don't worry, teacher... doctor can fix it". Phew!

 I can hear myself, and I agree its not healthy... Yet I am still wearing my full face and looking at my arms thinking they are too hairy, and looking at my belly thinking its too big and trying to decide if I have the motivation to do anything about it yet. I guess the pressure is finally getting to me, because otherwise why blog about it???